I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
