Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
