Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
