I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
