i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize