I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
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