He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
