I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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