Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
