youre lurking in front of me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
