she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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