He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
