dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I need moral support for this bender
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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