Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
