Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the day after is always just damage control
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
