She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
