He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize