So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
