im gay
i know
yea but for you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
