he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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