hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
