So drunk its hurt
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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