you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
