So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize