I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
