What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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