Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
