DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
