and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
