I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
