I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
