Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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