And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
