he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
