i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
