i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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