dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
