Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I supernannyed him into submission
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
