We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
