Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
