I think my vagina is haunted
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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