Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
