Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
