So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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