Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
