I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
