Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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