just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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