i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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