She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
