I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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