he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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