Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
