my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
