Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
