she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize