i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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