Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
