peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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