My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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