She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize