I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize