my phone needs a breathalizer
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
