everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
