last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
