you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize