you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
