i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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