I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize