This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
