Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
