According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
