Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
