We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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