She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
