i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
