girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
