Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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