Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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