I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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