Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
