My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
