Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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