guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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