While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
