I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
