My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
