Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize