There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
