With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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