but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize